so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
