I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
