I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize