he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
