You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize