he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
