Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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