Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
