True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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