I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
