just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
