you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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