someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
