that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sobbing to NWA
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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