the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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