Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
