Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
