You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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