I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
