I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
