Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
