What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
