haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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