Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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