My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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