i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
