What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
