you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
