ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Even my vagina gasped.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
