I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
