just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
