turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
