Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize