just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am available for nakedness
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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