i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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