Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
