Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
