tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's like iHOP with fire
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
