Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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