TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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