i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
