Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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