I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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