The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I will pee on everything he values.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
