I wish you could order shots online.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
