ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize