He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
