That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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