My room smells like vodka and shame
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
