i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
