Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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