This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
