Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
