I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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