It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
