chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
