I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
