He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
