It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
