whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
