In the future we'll all be gay
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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