Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
