How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize