fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
