she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
