and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
