So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize