And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
